I have freed myself from the torturous captor known as StatCounter. I have long held this secret affliction from you, but now I can honestly tell you I’m clean. I will no longer be a slave to my sites’ stats. I will no longer check my sites’ stats obsessively. I have decided to spend the hours I have spent doing just that by, um, smoking more Newports or something. No, that’s no good, either. I’ll figure something out this week.

Just know that I’m not cyberstalking you anymore. I’m free.